Regret
by Number6of6
Summary: Emily sits in a restaurant watching the man she loves with another woman.
1. Chapter 1

She sat in the corner booth with her two female co-workers, studying the menu and sipping her drink slowly. They hadn't eaten all day and liquor on an empty stomach was never a good idea. Having finally decided on her order she dropped the menu to the table and looked out over the restaurant hoping their server was close by. She spotted him being seated on the other side of the room and quickly swallowed the large lump that instantly formed in her throat. JJ noticed the change in Emily's expression and followed her gaze across the restaurant.

"She's pretty cute huh?" JJ said.

"Who's pretty cute? Oh, look, boss man's on a date. It's about time." Penelope chirped happily.

"Do you know who she is JJ?" Emily asked.

"Her name is Kim and she's a paralegal and he really seems to like her." JJ said.

"How is it you know this?" Emily asked.

"Will and I set them up about a month ago. Will does PI work for the law firm she works for and they're friends. There was this big party and she needed an escort, an escort that knew how to handle himself at a black-tie event and who could also hold his own in a room full of lawyers. Believe me, no one was more shocked than me when Hotch agreed to do it." JJ said.

"So they've been dating for a month and you didn't tell us?" Penelope asked in a disappointed tone.

"Come on Pen, I don't gossip, especially about Hotch." JJ said.

"Maybe not, but you said he really seems to like her so you have to at least tell us how you know that. Does he talk to you about his sex life?" Penelope asked.

"God no! Come on you guys, don't do this to me. It's Hotch and he would never gossip about any of us so don't you think we should show him the same respect?" JJ argued.

"Okay, but will you just tell us why you seem to think he really likes her because I want to get excited and start planning a wedding and stuff." Penelope said.

"Whoa, slow down. I didn't say he was in love with her. Kim and I talked and she said that he makes a point to plan something with her at least once a week and last week when we got called away he sent flowers to apologize and made a date with her tonight." JJ explained.

"You knew Hotch was coming here with a date tonight?" Emily asked her tone accusatory and annoyed.

"No, of course not. What's the matter with you? Is it really that big of deal to share the same restaurant with Hotch?" JJ asked.

"No, it's just kind of weird. I'm sorry. I'm starving and it's making me cranky. Where's that appetizer?" Emily grumbled.

"Here, eat a breadstick. Come on Jayje, details. If Kim talks to you then she must've shared the good stuff? Does she like him? Is he a good kisser? Is he a god between the sheets?" Penelope pushed.

"Pen!" JJ choked on her drink.

"What? You two act like you don't want to know those things, but you know you think about it just like I do." Penelope accused.

Emily was quiet, deep in thought and not the least bit curious about those things because she knew the answer to all of those questions and the thought of him doing those things with another woman made her heart hurt. Six weeks ago she had pushed him away, never believing for a moment that he'd stay away, but learning quickly that Aaron Hotchner wasn't a man who played games. If what he had to offer wasn't enough for her, if she wanted more than he was willing to give at that point in the relationship and he was making her unhappy then he'd walk away like she requested and allow her the opportunity to find what she wanted with someone else. She couldn't believe he didn't fight for her, that he didn't ask for another chance. He'd just done as she requested and left her alone and she never had a bigger regret in her life than the night she'd given him an ultimatum in a fit of emotional stupidity and he took her seriously. Didn't he understand that she didn't mean it, that she was only frustrated, that she loved him so much it hurt and that she didn't really want to break up with him?

Apparently he didn't understand any of those things and to his credit he never treated her any differently after the break up. The fact that they'd managed to have a steamy love affair for over three months and have an ugly break-up and not one person on the team suspected a thing either showed how good they were at masking their true feelings or it showed how incredibly fucked up both of them really were, she wasn't sure which.

"Don't you agree Em?" JJ asked.

"Hmm…what, I'm sorry, I guess my mind wandered, agree about what?" Emily asked.

"That Hotch is meant to be somebody's husband." JJ said.

"I don't know Jayje. Is it really right to label people and put them in boxes like that? Would you like it if the guys were sitting around and suggesting that you were meant to be somebody's wife?" Emily asked.

"I wouldn't care, but that's what they say about you, not me. I think maybe I'm sad that I don't seem like I'm the marrying kind." Penelope said.

"They do not say that about me. Do they?" Emily asked.

"According to Will, out of all of us, the guys seem to think that you would make the best wife." JJ said.

"Do the guys know that Will is sharing all of their secrets with you?" Emily asked.

"Probably not, oh hey, I've got new pictures of Henry, who wants to see?" JJ asked.

"Me! Me!" Penelope screeched and moved closer to JJ while Emily let her gaze wander back over to the couple sitting on the other side of the restaurant as her mind went back to the last night they'd spent together.

She'd come to his room the night before which was something they'd both agreed they'd never do, but it had been an exhausting day and drinks with the rest of them hadn't sounded appealing to her, not as appealing as having the whole floor of the hotel alone with the man she craved every waking moment of the day. When he opened the door he looked out into the hallway before stepping back and allowing her to enter the room. She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss. After a minute or so he regained his senses and pulled away from her.

"Emily, I know it's been a long, difficult day and there's nothing I'd love more than to just cuddle up with you and forget about everything, but we can't. We talked about this." He warned, his tone regretful.

"They're all at the pub across the street. No one will know." She told him in a seductive tone, seeing the want and the need in his eyes and doing her best to try to take advantage of it.

"I'd know and when I go to Strauss and tell her we've been in a relationship for six months and that we haven't let it affect our jobs and haven't shared a room on the road I don't want to have to lie." He told her.

"I don't think I can take three more months of this Aaron. I really just want to be with you right now and I hate that we can't be together whenever we want to be." She grumbled.

"I know, I want to be with you too, but trust me on this Emily, it's the best way to handle Strauss. Now, please, go back to your room and enjoy a nice bubble bath or something and I'll make this up to you tomorrow night, I promise." He coaxed, not sure he could continue to deny her if she continued to push the issue.

She walked away defeated and unhappy with him, but he held true to his promise to make it up to her the following night. He showed up at her apartment with flowers and wine and Italian food and later when they made love, it was if he couldn't get enough of her. He'd made her feel so special and so loved that for the first time in her life she cried during sex. He immediately stopped his thrusts, concerned that he'd done something to hurt her and looked into her eyes with so much love and concern when he asked if she was okay that she was pretty sure her heart burst into a million pieces. She was so in love and she wanted more and she wanted it now so when they were done and after about 30 minutes of post coital cuddling she began the conversation that would end with him walking out the door and out of her life, romantically anyway. They still saw each other every day.

"Emily!" Penelope said loudly.

"What? I'm sorry you guys, I guess I'm really not in the mood for girl talk tonight." Emily said.

"That's fine, but this young man here would really like to know what you want to eat." Penelope giggled.

Emily told the server what she wanted and spent the next few minutes trying to stay engrossed in whatever her two friends were talking about, but her eyes always ended up drifting back over to where Hotch sat with his date and eventually her mind drifted back to that fateful night.

"Aaron, I can't do this anymore. I need more." She said.

"More? Can you be more specific?" He asked.

"I hate that you hide me from Jack like I'm some awful, dirty secret." She said.

"Emily, I don't hide you from Jack and I'm certainly not ashamed of you. I love you and I look forward to the day when the two of you can spend time together, but now isn't the time. I can't allow my son to get attached unless I know for sure you're not going anywhere. Until you and I are sure about this and are ready to make a commitment to each other I can't allow Jack to be a part of this. Please tell me you understand." Hotch said as he moved his fingers up and down her bare back.

"I do, I understand you want to protect him, but we could spend so much more time together if I weren't banned from your place." She said.

"Please don't say it like that because it's not like that. Emily, he's so young and he's lost so much that it would be irresponsible of me to bring someone into his life who he's going to fall in love with immediately without knowing for sure that you're not going leave." He pleaded with her.

"You're right, but how will we ever know for sure?" She asked.

"We won't be asking questions like how will we ever know for sure, we'll just know." He said.

"Can we at least come clean with the team and Strauss so we can be together on the road?" She asked.

"We agreed that if we're still going strong in six months I'll talk to Strauss, but I'm not willing to jeopardize both of our careers if this thing between us isn't going to be long lasting." He said.

"Why six months, what's going to be different about us in three more months?" She asked.

"Hopefully by the time we get to the six month point in this relationship you won't need to ask that question anymore. Emily, I know us being secretive is difficult, but it'll be worth it in the long run, I promise." He said and hugged her closer to him.

She pulled out of his embrace and sat up. She looked down at him, suddenly angry and unwilling to play his waiting game any longer.

"No Aaron! I've had enough. I feel like your whore instead of your girlfriend." She said and he sat up, his eyes angry.

"I do not treat you like my whore Emily." He said firmly and for the first time since they started this affair his facial features resembling those of the Unit Chief instead of the sweet, caring and sometimes silly man she'd grown to love very quickly.

"Don't you go all Unit Chief on me Hotch!" She spat angrily.

"Then don't you go all Agent Prentiss on me." He replied firmly, but quietly, refusing to get into screaming match with her.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, him trying to select his next words carefully and her, unbeknownst to him, simmering and getting ready to deliver the final blow.

"Emily, we've talked about this at length and we both agreed to keep this quiet until we reached the six month mark and then we'd talk and decide how we wanted to go forward. We're not even four months in yet. Are things really so awful?" He asked.

"Four months, six months, what difference does it make? The bottom line is that you aren't willing to give up your job for me." She said.

"Where did that come from?" He asked.

"Just come clean Hotch. Would you choose me or your job?" She asked.

"What would you choose Emily?" He asked.

She didn't answer him.

"See, that right there is why we need to give this more time. Plus, if we manage to go six months without it affecting our work or the rest of the team, Strauss is likely to be willing to look the other way and our jobs won't be an issue as long as you aren't reporting directly to me any longer." He told her.

"What if I said, we're going into Strauss in the morning?" She asked.

"I'd say it's a very bad idea and will result in one of us getting reassigned and I can't stop you, but I won't do it." He said.

"Then get out." She said.

"What?" He asked.

"You heard me, I said get out and don't come back until you're ready to introduce me to Jack and let the team and Strauss know we're a couple." She said.

"Emily, I don't do ultimatums. This relationship can't progress to the point where I'm comfortable with letting my son in if I can't see you so if I walk out that door you do realize it's for good don't you. Is that what you really want? Because if it is just say so and I'll be gone." He said.

"Get out." She said sternly and left the bedroom, locking herself in the bathroom so she wouldn't have to watch him get dressed and leave.

That was six weeks ago and he'd made no effort to get back into her life. When he said he didn't do ultimatums he'd meant it. She'd made a deal with him in the beginning and she didn't hold up her end of the bargain. What right did she have to demand he tell his child anything and what right did she have to demand he put his job in jeopardy when she hadn't muttered a single "I love you" to him. He had no idea where their relationship was going and he was right not to involve his child in something that could potentially hurt him. She'd gotten so caught up in the emotion of that night and in some twisted way was trying to force a commitment from him when she wasn't even willing to commit herself. She'd sent away the kindest, most decent man she'd ever had the pleasure of knowing so intimately and now some mousy little blonde had made him forget all about her.

"Wait, he's been dating her for a month? He only waited two weeks after walking out on me before he got back into the game?" Emily thought to herself as the sadness she was feeling suddenly became something that almost resembled rage.

"Em, are you okay?" JJ asked.

"Yes, excuse me. There's something I need to do." Emily said as she slid out of the booth and began walking toward Hotch and his date.

Emily approached their table with all the confidence the strong drink on an empty stomach had given her. She stopped beside the table and then cleared her throat to get their attention. Hotch looked up and a look of shock covered his face.

"Emily, what are you doing here?" He asked.

"I'm having dinner with JJ and Penelope. Can I talk to you outside for minute?" She asked.

"Can it wait until tomorrow? I'm kind of in the middle of something here." He said.

"No, I don't think this can wait. Please." She said.

"Go ahead Aaron. I'm just going to go to the ladies room and freshen up." Kim told him and scooted away from the table.

Kim stood behind the large pillar in the restaurant and watched Emily and Hotch exit the restaurant. She then made her way over to the table where JJ and Penelope were sitting and took a seat beside them.

"Do you think it worked?" Kim asked.

"Oh definitely. She was so jealous she couldn't focus on anything but the two of you." Penelope said excitedly.

"Hotch isn't going to be happy with me so I hope this works guys." JJ said.

Hotch followed Emily through the lobby, outside and to the side of the building where it was quiet.

"What's going on Emily?" He asked.

"What's going on? Really Aaron? Mr. "I need to wait until I'm sure we're committed" waited two whole weeks before he ran out and got a new girlfriend!" Emily said so angrily she was almost screeching.

"What are you talking about? I don't have a girlfriend." Hotch said.

"Oh please, JJ told me you've been seeing that Kim girl you're with for a month. She said you even sent her flowers when you had to break a date last week." Emily said and became even more agitated when she noticed the slight smirk on his face.

"This is funny?" She yelled.

"Em, calm down." He said, placing two gentle hands on her upper arms.

"Don't call me Em, and don't tell me to calm down. How could you?" She asked, no longer angry just hurt.

"Emily I didn't. We've been set up. I never met that woman before tonight and I use the term woman lightly since she's just barely in her twenties. Do you really think I'd date someone so young?" He asked.

"I don't understand." Emily said.

"JJ and Penelope set us up. That girl is a friend of JJ and Will's. She's a paralegal who is applying to law school and JJ asked if I'd meet with her and give a letter of recommendation if I liked what I heard from her. They are so going to pay for this." Hotch said.

"I never told them about us. Did you?" Emily asked.

"No, but I guess they figured it out and are trying to get us back together." Hotch said.

"I guess they didn't get the memo." Emily huffed, feeling angry and sad again.

"What memo?" Hotch asked.

"The one that says you aren't interested in getting back together." Emily accused.

"I never wanted to break up." He said.

"You could've fooled me. You just left and never looked back." She said sadly as a traitorous tear slipped down her cheek.

"I left because you told me to." He said softly and used his thumb to gently swipe away the tear.

"And it never occurred to you to try to patch things up?" She asked.

"I told you Emily. I don't do ultimatums. I was happy with the arrangement we had, with what we both agreed on. You were the one who wasn't happy so in my mind it was up to you to try to patch things up. You watched my marriage break up Emily, did you really think that you threatening to end us if I didn't give into your demands was going to work? Do you really want a relationship like that?" He asked, his tone even and calm even though his eyes betrayed him and showed the hurt she'd caused was still fresh.

"Well, I certainly don't want a relationship where there is no room for compromise." She said.

"I'm sorry, did I miss the part of your emotional rant that night that included room for compromise? It sounded to me like it was either give you exactly what you wanted or get out. You didn't want to commit, but you wanted all of the things that go along with a committed relationship. You blew us up Emily and you somehow want to make this my fault?" He asked becoming somewhat flustered with her.

"So you're suggesting that if I'd come in the next day and asked you come back you would have?" She asked.

"I would've been willing to talk about it Emily, to see if we could've come to some sort of arrangement that would've left you feeling less unhappy." He admitted.

"You would've, but you're not interested now." She stated, because it was obvious that it wasn't a question. He was done and no longer interested in going back.

He could see the tears pooling in her eyes and pulled her into his chest before he was forced to watch them fall. He hugged her tightly and kissed the side of her head tenderly.

"I love you Em, and I always will, but I'm not what you want or need and I never will be. It's probably for the best that you ended things. You deserve someone that makes you fall head over heels in love and someone that can make you the primary focus in his life. I'm jealous of that guy, whoever he is, but I'll be happy for you when you find him." He spoke softly to her.

She pulled back and looked up at him. His eyes were so soft and filled with so much pain and she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs that she was head over heels in love with him and that she didn't need to have his attention 24/7 in order to be happy, but she could see the damage she'd done not only to him, but to them and believed that they could never go back and recapture what they had before she messed everything up so with a heart full of regret she made the decision to let him go and pulled out of his embrace.

"I'm sorry I interrupted your dinner." She said.

"It's fine and I'll talk to JJ and Garcia about this in the morning." He said.

"No, don't do that. They meant well." She said.

"I know and I wasn't planning on reprimanding them, but they need to know that we're moving on and they need to respect that and do the same." He told her.

"Okay, well, I guess we should go back in now." She said, just as her cell phone began ringing.

He stopped and waited, ever the gentleman.

"Go ahead, I'm going to take this." She said as she put her phone up to her ear and watched him disappear back inside the restaurant thinking that if this were a movie she'd call out at the last minute and stop him and they'd kiss and have their happy ending, but this wasn't a movie and there wasn't going to be any happily ever after, not for her and not with him.


	2. Chapter 2

_**I hadn't planned on making this more than a one-shot, but since you guys were kind enough to read it and review it and didn't want it to end that way, I was more than happy to oblige. Thanks for your time and your kind words! : )**_

She sat her desk pretending to be engrossed in the file in front of her while sneaking glances up to Hotch's office where both JJ and Garcia had entered about 10 minutes ago. She could see them sitting in front of his desk, heads slightly lowered and eyes down and she hoped they were just embarrassed and that he wasn't reading them the riot act. After another five minutes or so, both women exited his office and promptly headed toward their own offices. A few minutes later she received a text from both of them one right after the other, asking her to go to lunch. She quickly responded that she'd meet them by the elevator at eleven and went back to work. At approximately 10:55 AM, Hotch called her up to his office. She grabbed her purse and quickly made her way up the stairs, stopping just outside his office, poking her head in the door and knocking lightly on the opened door.

"You wanted to see me Hotch?" She asked, wishing more than anything that he did want to see her.

"Yes, come in." He said without looking up.

"Sir, I've got lunch plans and I'm going to be late. Can this wait until I get back?" She asked and had to bite back the smile that wanted surface at the expression on his face. Lunch was such a foreign concept to him that he often forgot that people took them.

"Of course, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was that time already. Just come see me when you get back." He apologized.

"Are you sure, because I can cancel if you need me for something?" She asked.

"No, it's fine. Enjoy your lunch." He said and went back to work

Feeling somewhat disappointed she walked away from his office. She didn't know why she felt disappointed. He'd made it pretty clear that he wasn't interested in trying to work things out with her, but she guessed she'd hold out hope until one or both of them were otherwise attached. She stopped at the elevator and stood beside JJ. They stood silently waiting for the elevator and when the elevator arrived, made the ride down to the parking garage in the same uncomfortable silence. By the time they were seated at their table at their favorite lunch-time getaway she couldn't take the silence any longer.

"Listen you two, it's okay. I appreciate what you were trying to do and I hope Hotch didn't come down on you too hard." Emily said and watched the tension drain from the faces of her two friends.

"He didn't. It was just really uncomfortable sitting there listening to him discuss aspects of his personal life he'd never willingly share with anyone, but felt like he had to in order to get us to back off and mind our own business. We're really sorry Emily. We already apologized to him for putting him in such an uncomfortable situation. Can you forgive us?" JJ asked.

"There's nothing to forgive. It was sweet and well, your devious little plan did work. I was ready to kill him for moving on so quickly." Emily admitted with a hint of sadness.

"Oh see that right there, you're upset. Hotch said you were very upset last night and that you were doing fine before we dredged all this up again. We didn't mean to get you so upset. We really thought you two just needed a little nudge. We're so sorry." Garcia apologized.

"It's okay you guys really. I wasn't doing fine before last night, I just let him believe that so don't feel guilty." Emily told them.

"Do we need to hire someone to break his legs?" Garcia asked.

"I'm afraid you'd have to hire someone to break my legs. It was my fault we broke up, not his. I think the reason I got so upset last night was because even though he tries to hide it, I could see how badly I hurt him and now there's nothing I can do to fix it because he's not interested in fixing it." Emily told them, the memory of the pain in his eyes making her emotional and causing her to tear up.

"You love him." JJ said confidently.

"I care a lot about him JJ, we all do." Emily said.

"No, those tears in your eyes aren't about caring about him, those are the tears of a woman that is in love and can't stand the idea that she hurt the person she loves." JJ challenged.

"I don't know Jayje, I'm getting kid of teary-eyed myself and I'm not in love with Hotch." Garcia said.

"Yeah, see." Emily argued.

"That proves nothing. Garcia is emotional and takes everyone's pain personally and I'd expect that reaction from her, but you aren't like that Emily. Have you told him how you feel?" JJ asked.

"It wouldn't matter JJ. I ran him off and he just wants to move on and I can't say that I blame him." Emily said.

"Wait, so he told you he loved you and you didn't reciprocate?" Garcia asked.

"What? No, I mean, it's more complicated than that." Emily tried desperately to dig herself out of the hole she was slowly burying herself in.

"Jayje that completely makes sense. That's what Hotch was talking about." Garcia said.

"Why would you do that? I mean if you didn't feel the same way that's one thing, but why would you be in love with a man who is in love with you and not share those feelings with him?" JJ asked.

"I don't know. I think I was just scared, but like I said it doesn't matter. We're done." Emily sighed.

"Emily, this is Hotch we're talking about. If he knew that you loved him, that you're hurting as bad as he is, he'd be willing to take another shot at making it work. God Emily, he sat in his office and told us that you needed and deserved more than he had to offer, that you cared very deeply for one another but that the love necessary to sustain a relationship just wasn't there. I think I'm going to cry now." JJ said and relaxed back into the booth, arms folded over her chest.

"What did you do that caused the break-up?" Garcia asked.

"It's a long story, but basically I got impatient and when he kept refusing to let me be around Jack and kept refusing to let Strauss know we were in a relationship, I guess I got scared he wasn't really as invested as he claimed to be and gave him an ultimatum. We either stop being secretive and he lets Jack know about me or we're done. In case you were ever wondering, Hotch doesn't do ultimatums." Emily explained and huffed lightly.

"Well, that's not completely unreasonable Emily. I mean he couldn't expect to keep the secret forever." JJ said.

"He didn't want to keep it secret forever. We agreed in the beginning that if we were still going strong after six months we'd tell Strauss and the team and then we'd start working on Jack. You know I don't even think he really needed the six months as much as he just needed a commitment from me." Emily admitted.

"Em, you really need to talk to him about this." JJ suggested.

"No. Guys, please don't be mad at me. I never meant to hurt him and believe me, I am hurting as much as he is, probably more. I've never felt the way he made me feel and it unnerved me I think. I have no good excuse. I just went into stubborn, my way or the highway mode and chased away the kindest, most decent man I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, but what's done is done." Emily said sadly.

"We aren't mad at you Emily, but you can't give up. You have to tell him how you really feel." Garcia pleaded with her.

"No, Hotch is right. We're moving on so you two need to do the same." Emily said.

"But.." Garcia started to argue.

"No buts. Come on let's order some lunch." Emily told them.

Emily had been back at her desk working for nearly an hour when she remembered that Hotch had wanted to talk with her. She slowly climbed the stairs to his office and once again knocked on the door.

"Come in." He responded without looking up.

"Do I need to close the door?" She asked.

"No, it's nothing like that. That was quite a lunch." He remarked.

"Oh no, I'm sorry. I've been back for awhile. I just forgot I was supposed to come see you." She said the nervousness in her tone not going unnoticed by him.

"Are you okay Emily?" He asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" She asked.

"I don't know, but you're clearly nervous about something. Is it because of last night?" He asked.

"No, yes, I don't know. I'm sorry. I didn't sleep much. I think I'm just tired. What did you need?" She asked.

"I need you to go to Alabama with me. Maldana Hayhurst, mother of six, showed up at the Birmingham police station this morning covered in blood. The blood is human and of more than one type and the children are missing. Local FBI have already started a search for the children. They want us to come down, assess her and hopefully get her to tell us what happened." Hotch told her.

"Good cop, bad cop?" Emily asked.

"I don't know. We'll need to observe her for a bit and see what the best tactic is, but I've done enough of these to know that I'm going to need a female presence regardless of what tactic we use." He said.

"This sounds pretty serious Hotch. Why aren't we already there?" Emily asked.

"The local sheriff went pretty hard on her, got her pretty riled up. She had to be sedated. She should be alert, fed and ready to talk to us by this evening. The children are most likely dead Emily, we just need to get her to tell us what she did with them." He said.

"When do we leave?" She asked.

"I'll meet you on the plane at four." Hotch said.

He found her sitting alone at the bar in the restaurant that was attached to the hotel they were occupying for the night. He slipped in beside her and pulled a menu down in front of them.

"I'll have a club sandwich and a glass of whatever you've got on tap. Emily?" He asked as the person behind the bar waited patiently.

"I'm not hungry Hotch. I'll have another one of these though." She said, tapping on her empty glass.

"How many have you had?" He asked.

"Not nearly enough." She mumbled.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, nodding at the bartender as she placed a beer in front of him and another bourbon and water in front of Emily.

"Thanks, but I don't think it would help. I just need about 10 more of these and the image of those six beheaded children might at least become a little blurry." She sighed.

The bartender set the club sandwich down in front of him. He took half and slid the plate with the other half in front of her.

"Eat. That's an order." He said.

"Hotch, I'm sure I'll throw up if I try to eat anything. I think I'm just going to go upstairs and go to bed." She said as she downed her drink and moved off the barstool.

Hotch looked at his sandwich and realized he wasn't really hungry either. He took the time to drink and enjoy the cold beer and then handed the bartender his credit card and waited for the receipt. When she handed him his receipt he handed her one of his cards with his cell phone number scribbled onto the back of it.

"What's this?" She asked.

"That's my cell phone number. If she comes back down and is drinking too much I want you to call me." He said and handed her twenty dollars.

"FBI huh?" She asked.

"Yes, and it's been a really bad day so can I count on you to do that for me?" He asked.

"Sure thing." The girl said and shoved the twenty dollars into her pants pocket.

Hotch moved off the bar stool, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked slowly toward the elevators. He wanted nothing more than to go to her and try to comfort her, but he knew they were both too vulnerable at the moment to be alone together in a hotel room, especially when all he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arms and hold her and love her until that haunted look in her eyes was completely gone. The scene had been grisly, the headless bodies of six brutally murdered children hanging by their feet in an old abandoned barn, their six little heads lined up on an old wooden tool chest, a look of terror and pain forever etched onto their innocent faces. He'd seen a lot over the years, but that was as bad as it gets and had gotten to him in ways that most crimes scenes never did, the overwhelming urge to empty the contents of his stomach had nearly gotten the best of him several times as well as the need to go sit in a corner and cry so he completely understood what Emily was going through and why she currently felt the desire to obliterate herself with alcohol.

He knew however that the need to try to comfort her was unprofessional and since they were no longer lovers he needed to act like her boss and not her boyfriend and let her work through it on her own and let her come to him if she decided she wanted to talk about it. But would a good boss go to bed knowing that one of his agents was most likely going to end up back down in the bar where any number of things could go wrong if she drank too much? Shouldn't he be able to put his personal feelings aside and go be with her to make sure she didn't do something crazy?

He continued the mental debate with himself in the elevator and as he slowly walked down the hallway to his room. He stopped outside his door, ready to insert the key card and after mulling it over for a few more seconds he took a deep breath and walked down the hall to her room. He knocked lightly and waited patiently for her to open the door. When she didn't respond he knocked louder and called out to her. Just as he began contemplating kicking the door down he heard movement behind the door and then there she was, so drunk she could barely stand. He reached in, steadied her in his arms and escorted her back into the room, kicking the door closed behind him.

"Jesus Emily." He sighed as he counted the small bottles of liquor that were now empty and lying all over the furniture in the room.

"Did you bring me some more liquor?" She slurred as he sat her on the bed.

"Did you empty the entire mini-bar?" He asked.

"Just the good stuff." She said.

"Em, you've been up here for maybe 20 minutes. Are you trying to poison yourself?" He asked concerned over the amount of liquor she'd consumed in such a short amount of time.

"I think I'm going to be sick." She moaned and tried to lie back onto the bed.

"Oh no you don't. Come on." He said and urgently pulled her off of the bed and into the bathroom, barely making it in time.

They sat in the bathroom together for nearly an hour before her stomach settled enough to risk moving away from the toilet. She was no longer falling down drunk, but was still intoxicated enough to be more forthcoming and probably needier than she would've been sober. He didn't mind. He needed to be needed by her. He helped her find her toothbrush and toothpaste so she could, to quote her, "brush away the taste of shit" from her mouth and then he encouraged her to change into something more comfortable, hopeful that she'd succumb to the affects of the liquor and go to sleep.

She exited the bathroom in a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt. Her face freshly washed and her hair pulled back. She made her way over the bed he had pulled down for her and sat down.

"Feel better?" He asked.

"Not really. I feel like I drank too much and threw up all over my boss. Sorry about that." She grumbled and lay back onto the pillows.

"You didn't throw up all over me and don't worry about it, I think this is probably in my job description some place." He teased lightly and moved to pull the blankets up to her chin, stopping when he felt her hand on his arm.

"Is it in your job description to stay with me?" She asked.

"No, but it's probably in the friend description. I'll sit here until you fall asleep." He offered.

"No Aaron, please, lay down with me." She pleaded softly.

"That's probably not a good idea Em." He said.

"No, it's probably not, but I don't care. Please Aaron, I don't want to be alone." She said so desperately he couldn't deny her.

He slipped off his shoes and dress shirt and moved into the bed beside her, allowing her to cuddle in beside him and rest her head on his t-shirt clad chest. He wrapped a strong, comforting arm around her and kissed the top of her head softly.

"You're very drunk Emily. Try to sleep. Okay?" He said softly.

"I'm afraid to close my eyes. I know I'm going to see the faces of those babies. They must've been so frightened Hotch." She said sadly.

"This one is definitely going to stick with us for awhile. I'm sorry." He said.

"Why are you sorry?" She asked

.

"For bringing you out here, if I'd come alone you wouldn't have had to see that." He said.

"Do you ever wonder why God gives babies to people like that?" Emily asked, her speech starting to slur again.

"I think I stopped wondering about God a long time ago." He answered.

"How come we never made a baby?" She asked, not trying to be funny, in fact dead serious, but for some reason the question tickled him.

"Probably because we were being responsible." He answered with a light chuckle.

"I'd be a good mother and we would've made such a pretty baby." She said.

"No doubt, on both counts." He said and tightened his hold on her slightly.

"Would you have wanted to have a baby with me?" She asked.

"I think this isn't a discussion we should have while you're drunk. Please, just close your eyes and try to sleep." He pushed.

"Promise you won't leave me?" She asked, slowly losing the battle to stay awake.

"I'll be right here when you wake up. I promise." He said.

"Okay, good, because I love you so much Aaron and I don't ever want you to leave." She admitted, her last words before she fell into a deep, liquor induced sleep.

The sun streaming through the window woke him, forcing him to squint against its' harsh light. He looked down at the woman still sleeping soundly on his chest and wondered if she was going to feel any better this morning. He'd never seen her as rattled and disturbed as she was over this case and wondered what the lasting effects would be. He slipped out from underneath her as gently as he could, but she still woke up as soon as he was free from her grasp. She blinked at him several times, obviously confused.

"Hotch, what's going on? Oh god, my head." She grumbled and turned her face away from the sunlight.

"I'll go get you water and some aspirin." He said and disappeared into the bathroom.

When he reappeared she was sitting up in the bed, knees folded up into her body, holding her head between her hands with her face buried in the bend at her knees. She was no doubt miserable and he felt bad for her.

"Emily are you going to make it?" He asked.

"No, just put a bullet in my head and put me out of my misery." She grumbled.

"We've got to be to the airstrip in two hours. Do I need to reschedule?" He asked.

"No, I'll be okay. Just let me take a hot shower. I'll meet you down in the restaurant for coffee in 45 minutes." She groaned.

"Take an hour if you need to." He said.

"What happened Hotch?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Why are you in my room? Did we…?" She asked with a hint of hope in her voice.

"You don't remember anything?" He asked.

"The last thing I remember is going down to the bar to have a couple of drinks." She said.

While he felt a twinge of disappointment that she didn't remember he wasn't surprised. He was relatively sure her confession of love was alcohol induced and not truly heartfelt when he heard it, but he supposed a small part of him was holding out hope that she wasn't as far gone as he believed she was. Apparently she was.

"Nothing happened Emily. You got really drunk and I took care of you. That's it. I'll see you downstairs." He said and left the room.

He heard the light knock on the door to his office and looked up from the file he was studying to find his technical analyst standing somewhat tentatively in his doorway.

"What is it Garcia?" He asked.

"Um, sir, I need to say something to you and I need you to listen and not get mad." She said.

"I'll listen, but I'm not making any promises about the not getting mad part." He said and relaxed back into his chair.

She shut the door and moved to one of the chairs in front of his desk, paced back and forth a few times and then finally sat down.

"Well?" He asked slightly amused by her behavior, but not about to let that show.

"I want to talk about you and Emily." She finally blurted out.

"Garcia, no, we aren't going to talk about this again." He refused, no longer amused.

"You said you'd listen." She reminded him.

"Fine, I'm listening, but I'm not going to talk about it and just so you know I'm really close to getting mad." He told her shooting her one of his patented glares.

"I can't stand to watch the two of you hurt any longer. I know she hurt your feelings, but she didn't mean to. She just got scared. She loves you sir and she's miserable and you've always been such a fair person so I don't understand why she can't have a second chance." Garcia stated her case.

"May I speak now?" He asked.

"Of course." Garcia said.

"I appreciate your concern, but you don't know what you're talking about. You can't make assumptions about how people feel based on observation." He told her.

"Isn't that what you do every day….sir?" Garcia asked.

"Touché but this is different Garcia. You could profile mine and Emily's actions, but you can't come to the conclusion that one or both of us is in love so please, this is the last time I'm going to ask, just let it go." He said.

"It's not an assumption sir and I'm not jumping to conclusions." Garcia argued.

"Garcia…." He warned, clearly annoyed.

"No sir, I'm sorry, you can fire me if you want to, but I'm not going to stand by and watch two people I care about be miserable because one is too stubborn to communicate and the other is too damaged to fight for what he wants. She loves you. She told us, me and JJ, she said she was just too scared or too overwhelmed to say it. And frankly sir, I think you're being overly cautious where Jack is concerned. She loves you and wants to be a part of your life and Jack is such a big part of your life and you won't include her and, and…" She began to stammer.

"Okay Garcia, enough. I got it." He conceded.

"Does that mean you're going to try to fix things with her?" Garcia asked.

"That means your argument has been duly noted and I'll think about it, but no more of this. My private life isn't water cooler gossip. Are we clear?" He said sternly.

"Yes sir." She said and stood.

She walked slowly to the door and just as she reached for the handled he called out to her.

"And Garcia one more thing." He said.

"What's that sir?" She asked.

"Thank you." He said.

She was just about to relax on the couch with a book when she heard the knock on her door. Sighing heavily she walked to the door and looked through the peep hole, her heart immediately racing at the sight of him. She placed her hand over her chest to compose herself and casually opened the door, her newly found composure nearly blown to bits when she saw Jack standing beside him. The look on her face was priceless and he wished he had a camera handy. He smiled at her and she backed away to allow them to enter her apartment.

"Jack, do you remember Ms. Prentiss from daddy's work?" Hotch asked the child.

"Yes." He answered.

"Can you say hello?" Hotch asked chuckling lightly.

"Hi Miss Prentiss." Jack said softly.

Emily kneeled down to his level and took hold of one his small hands.

"Hi Jack, it's so good to see you again. How have you been?" She asked.

"Okay. Um Miss Prentiss, daddy said he had a friend from his work that likes the Lion King. Is it you? Do you like the Lion King?" Jack asked hopefully.

"Do you think it would be okay with your dad if you called me Emily?" She asked and looked up at Hotch.

"Can I daddy?" He asked.

"Sure." Hotch said gently and smiled down at the boy.

"So do you?" Jack asked.

"Do I what?" Emily asked.

"Like the Lion King?" Jack asked.

"I love the Lion King." Emily said feeling a warmth rush over her as a huge smile spread over the little boy's face.

"It's my favorite and it's at the movies now and you get to wear some cool glasses to watch it. Do you want to come with me and my dad to see it?" Jack asked in an excited tone, happy to have a companion who loved the cartoon as much as he did.

Emily looked at Hotch, his face soft and gentle and his eyes as hopeful as the little boy standing beside him.

"Hmm…I don't know. Can we sing Hakuna Matata in the car on the way?" Emily asked.

"I don't think daddy knows the words." Jack answered.

"That's okay, we'll teach him." Emily told him and squeezed the boy's hands gently.

"So are you going to come with us?" Jack asked.

"I'd love to. When?" Emily asked and smiled at the boy and then up at his father.

"Now!" Jack said excitedly.

"Can I put my shoes on first?" She teased.

"You can't go to the movies without shoes Emily." Jack told her every bit as serious as his dad could be when someone suggested something ridiculous.

Emily laughed at how much he resembled Hotch at the moment, straightened up and disappeared into her bedroom for a moment, returning with shoes on her feet.

"Let's go." She said.

"Daddy, I need to pee." Jack whispered softly while dancing from one foot to the other.

"I'm sorry. May we?" Hotch asked Emily.

"Of course, it's the 2nd door on the left Jack." Emily said and pointed toward the hallway.

"Come on Jack, let's go to the bathroom." Hotch said and led the boy to the door Emily directed him to.

"I can do it myself dad." Jack said.

"Okay, but don't forget to wash your hands." Hotch reminded him as the child shut door in his face.

Hotch walked back to where Emily stood.

"Let me apologize in advance for any mess he might make in there. He's got a bad aim sometimes, especially when he's excited." Hotch told her in a teasing fashion.

"What is this Aaron?" She asked.

"This Emily is called compromise. I'm not willing to budge on the Strauss issue, but I am willing to stop denying my son the privilege of knowing you. Can you do something for me?" He asked and moved closer to her, placing his hands on her arms and looking into her eyes.

"Anything." She said.

"Can you please be completely honest about your feelings for me and your feelings about this and any future feelings about things?" He asked.

"I can do that. Does this mean we're going to try to fix what I broke?" She asked with tears in her eyes.

"I don't think it was ever broken, just severely dented. I'm willing to try if you are." He said and leaned in and kissed her softly on the mouth, pulling back quickly when he heard the bathroom door open.

Jack ran toward them and squeezed between them, taking hold of each one of their hands and looking up at his dad.

"Let's go!" He said excitedly.

Later that night after a day's worth of activities, none of which included Hotch learning the words to any Disney songs as he was content to just enjoy watching and listening to his son and the woman he loved sing the songs together, a nice dinner for three and another animated movie from Emily's collection, Jack lay sleeping quietly on the loveseat while Hotch and Emily sat together on the couch. Noticing that his son had finally given up the battle and gone to sleep, he leaned over and kissed her passionately before pulling back and pushing her hair back behind her ear gently.

"Thank you for dinner and for singing all of those silly songs with my son." He said.

"I love those silly songs and I love that I had someone to sing them with. He's a sweet kid Aaron and very well behaved." She said.

"That's just because you're new. Once he gets to know you better he'll no doubt introduce you to his not so well-behaved side." He told her.

"I'm looking forward to it." She said.

"I guess we should go." He said.

"I think you should stay, at least for a little while." She said in a seductive tone.

"Oh yeah, why's that?" He asked with a grin.

"Because I love you Aaron and I plan on showing you just how much and believe me, when I get through with you there will be no question as to just how much I love, want, and need you." She said as she stood, took him by the hand and encouraged him to stand and follow her.

He hesitated for a moment, mentally debating whether or not he should leave his little boy to possibly wake up alone in a strange place.

"Is he a light sleeper?" Emily asked.

"No, he could sleep through a train roaring through the room, especially when he's had such a full day." He answered.

"We'll leave the door open and that way you can hear him if he does wake up." She offered.

"No, that's probably not a good idea." He said and stood, offering her a mischievous grin.

"Why's that?" She asked.

"Because a train's got nothing on the screams I plan on getting out of you." He teased and kissed her again, pulling her close and eventually allowing her to lead him into her bedroom hopeful that their new beginning would lead to many happy tomorrows.


End file.
